Coronavirus19 Diary - A House Divided

We watch a murder on national television. A man on the ground, hands cuffed behind his back, a policeman on top of him, his knee on his throat, the cuffed man saying "I can't breathe". Within minutes the man is dead. His crime? Trying to use a counterfeit $20 bill. It is days before the officer responsible is charged and arrested. The officer is white, the victim black.

Protests erupt. In Minneapolis, where the incident occurred, they turn violent. There are fires and looting. The president threatens the looters with deadly force. He threatens to set dogs on the protesters, bringing to mind photos of protesters being attacked by police dogs on a bridge in the deep south 60 years ago. He threatens to order the U.S. military to take up arms against U.S. citizens. Chicago's mayor self censors her comments to the president, but makes her meaning clear. Our governor also takes the president to task for his reckless, divisive and hate filled statements.

Outside agitators integrate themselves into the crowds inciting violence. By Saturday night we watch as riots rage across the country. Reports come in from Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Washington D.C. and New York. There are buildings and police cars on fire in Philadelphia. A squad car burns on Chicago's iconic State Street. Businesses are being looted in L.A.

A reporter describes tear gas and rubber bullets being used on a peaceful protest in Minneapolis. In Chicago police are thrown to the ground as some in the crowd attempt to pull their Kevlar vests from them. Women, their arms outstretched, form a circle around the officers to protect them. Store windows are smashed, including two flagship stores of the company I work for, one a historic building which is to many synonymous with Chicago. People, seeing an opportunity, pour into the stores grabbing handfuls of goods. Agitators and thugs overwhelm the protesters who were there with a purpose, demanding justice, exercising their right to assembly.

A reporter stands outside a Target store in L.A. as 2 looters walk off with a 60" T.V. A reporter in Chicago is told by the studio to cut her feed and move to a safer location. An overhead shot shows a small crowd in L.A. destroying a nail salon, dragging an ATM outside attempting to break into it. Masks, mandated for safety, provide anonymity. Another reporter stands in a chain drugstore, it's windows gone, cash registers laying in a shambles on the floor, it's pharmacy's prescription medication and liquor departments stripped bare. Chicago's mayor breaks into T.V. programming to denounce the violence and announce a curfew, joining other mayors taking similar actions across the country.

Texts fly back and forth between me, my friends and my coworkers. By late evening a letter from my company's CEO arrives via email letting us know that stores near affected areas have been closed and all colleagues are safe and accounted for. He asks us to make ourselves available to each other for support and bemoans our not to be able to be with one another in person. He speaks with pride about the diversity of our workforce. His words are eloquent and compassionate. It is a moment of grace and calm amid the chaos.

I have witnessed violent confrontations before. I remember watching the Watts riots, taking place a few miles from our home in southern California, on the news while on vacation at my grandparents home in Oklahoma. I pleaded with my parents to stay at my grandparents. I was a small child, I was scared. I remember the Kent State shootings and the Vietnam anti war protests. Yet each of these were isolated incidents during a turbulent time. I don't recall virtually spontaneous, simultaneous protests of this magnitude erupting nationwide.

For years our nation has been divided and torn apart. Our president, aided by his political party, has continually pitted citizens against one another. His words validate the feelings of those who desire violent confrontation to preserve and defend an imaginary vision of what they feel our country should be. The words "one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" in the present environment have lost their meaning. The country has veered off it's rails and lost it's path. Rhetorical oil, instead of fueling fires, needs to be poured onto the nation's troubled waters. What we are witnessing today is what the beginning of war looks like but it is not too late to turn back.

The wounds are deep, but with care and compassion they can be healed. I hope we can find the will as a nation to do this and make America, with liberty and justice for all people, at all levels of society, great again.

Coronavirus19 Diary - Good News Bad News

This stay at home life does ebb and flow, thought not with the same volume as normal life.

Good news, my state's rate of infection and deaths are appearing to be heading downward. According to the models used by our government 2 weeks ahead of schedule. As of now the state will begin it's next phase of reopening this weekend.

Bad news, Chicago's move into the next phase is still TBD due to the stubbornness of our mayor. This is rather ridiculous. In border areas one side of the street is the city of Chicago, the other side a suburb. So, if you can't get the goods or service you need you will be able to walk to the corner, cross the street and get it there. This is the mayor, by the way, that managed to get a haircut in the midst of the stay at home order which apparently only applied to some of us.....but I digress.

Good news, on several occasions the sun came out and temperatures rose allowing me the opportunity of getting out on my bike. Pedaling around the city is one of the times I feel most normal these days. I found a park, a short ride away, where I can catch rays this summer if our well coiffed mayor will not allow us to utilize the beaches, with appropriate distancing and safety measures of course. She has stated that when the lakefront opens, if it opens, it will be "about movement" which I take to mean that sitting and quietly enjoying the lake will not be allowed. The lakefront we pay for and for tens of thousands of lakefront apartment dwellers is their only convenient outdoor space....but I digress. 

Bad news, my jobs return date is also TBD. My employer wants to open larger, higher volume, although less profitable, stores in the region first. I understand, I owned a business and still retain some of that mindset. Cash flow is more important than profit right now. So, somewhat like a caged animal, I will continue to pace back and forth, waiting.

Good news, our new couch arrives in a matter of days. Purchased in the dead of winter, due to be delivered in mid April, it's delivery date, due to all this mess, was postponed. Our current couch has pretty much had it's day. Visitors, parties and day to day wear, plus a deluge of use these past 10 weeks watching Netflix and on demand movies, has taken it's toll.

So we wait, mask in hand, asking the age old question, "Can I go out and play?"

Coronavirus19 Diary - Reset

Many of us, because of the excess of time on our hands, have seen them, photos of formerly smoggy skies turned clear blue. Pictures of wildlife popping up in places where it either hasn't been seen before or is rarely witnessed. One memorable image was the coyote walking down the middle of a deserted Michigan Ave in Chicago. In terms of birdlife we have experienced it first hand from our 9th floor apartment. We watched as peregrine falcons dove from the ledge of the Jazz Age building across the street from us. Geese, not a rare sight, but usually seen in our area only high above, have flown by our windows. A duck, somewhat unusual in our neighborhood, cruised by at 9th floor level. And there was the tiny sparrow which came to visit us on our balcony a couple of days in a row. As geese and ducks are not usually seen flying so low, the smaller birds are usually not seen that far up. Many have suggested that we have pushed a global reset button.

On a more personal level, my feet have reset. The layers of callused skin built up over the years from walking a sales floor have been pretty much completely worn away over the past weeks. Despite suggestions to the contrary, men's dress shoes,  if you stand in them all day, are not that comfortable. The chronic weariness from working sans vacations, due to future travel plans now canceled, has abated. Although these days the weariness is becoming increasingly replaced by ennui.

Our apartment has also, in a sense, been reset.I always maintain a clean home, but, during these past weeks, I have engaged in what a friend termed "unnaturally through spring cleaning". There had been some projects, neglected due to lack of time, that have now been completed. 

This time has also given me the time to reflect. I realize I crave structure. The structure of work, of a schedule. I am not the type that can sit idle. Formerly I knew that, for the sake of my sanity as well as, to a lesser extent, financial necessity, after retirement I would still hope to work part time. I thrive on human, face to face interaction. I want to experience, to continually learn, to satisfy my personal curiosity.

My mindset, formerly numbed by the routine of a daily routine, has been reset. When a sense of normalcy returns I look forward to exploring the reset world.

Coronavirus19 Diaries - Endgame

After near disastrous appearances on the Sunday morning talking heads shows our Governor , at his daily televised news conference on Monday, well, clarified, his stay at home order. He had been accused of moving the goal posts regarding the time the state would reopen. The way it had been presented the previous week made it sound as if the order would extend into June. Many began to complain about government overreach. I had a personal concern since my employer had, graciously, been paying the premiums for our medical insurance during the time we were furloughed, but only through May. Many were concerned about making their rent or mortgage payments. Some were concerned about paying their property taxes. Food banks were seeing blocks long lines of cars. Monday the Governor suggested, strongly, careful to not make it absolute, that the state would be able to partially open May 29th, sending many, my husband and myself included, back to work, with certain safety measures in place of course.

We were more fortunate than some. However, had the lockdown lasted into June insurance costs could have begun to eat into the the financial reserves I had so painstakingly built over the years. Others lived, as I did throughout much of my life, on a financial knife's edge. People in the hospitality industry are struggling. I would not be surprised if the Governor "clarifies" the opening date for bars and restaurants, with appropriate safety measures in place of course.

As I read comments on articles and Facebook  I am amazed by the people that are predicting the total destruction of civilization post pandemic. They say they, and by extension the rest of society, will never again fly on a plane, go to a restaurant, meet friends for a drink at a bar or enter a theatre. Their lists of what they think people will no longer do go on and on, not verging on, but actually becoming, absurd. Then there are others, becoming more and more vocal as we see the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel, They, like I, still intend to travel, eat out, go to the gym and enjoy theatre and live music. My husband has the attitude that if the others stay home it will just leave more room for the rest of us. My guess is the doomsday prophets were people that never went out that much pre pandemic.

There will be pain. The loss of small, unique businesses, for some a prolonged financial hardship, but eventually, we will return to normal. Thanks Governor for being a little bit clearer about when.

Coronavirus 19 Diary - An Essential Errand

After 3 days of near continuous rain and completely continuous gray skies we woke to bright sun in a clear blue sky and temperatures in the mid 70s. By any standards it was a beautiful day, by Chicago standards in early May it was spectacular.

Our IRS refund check arrived the day the Illinois lock down order went into effect. It had been sitting on the table since then. I decided I could justify riding my bike to the nearest branch on my bike, about 5 miles away, to deposit it and enjoy the rare treat of the lovely mid spring day. As I rode I felt almost normal for the first time in weeks. That is not to say things were normal. Businesses were shuttered, people, including myself, were masked, I was able to make a u turn on the broad street I was riding down, which is so chocked with traffic during normal times that such a maneuver would be impossible.

After contactless banking, putting check and deposit slip into a plastic tube which is then vacuum delivered to the employees inside, my receipt being returned to me in the same manner, I decided to take further advantage of the sunshine.

I rode over to the nearby square and looked at the empty storefront with the For Lease sign in the window that once housed the jewelry store I had worked at for a brief period. I rode past the closed restaurants and bars. I was pleased to see the independent apothecary store was open for orders and curbside pick up. I was glad to see the bookstore, also independent, still there, although closed due to the current crisis. We had once used our windows in the jewelry store to promote it over the global, faceless, menace that is Amazon.

The square is a special place. A charming, old world mix of family owned shops, bars and eateries. A meeting place for the residents of the surrounding area. Although it lacked the crowds of people I had become accustomed to during my employment there that would normally be expected on such a beautiful weekend day there were still a handful on the benches enjoying the sun. I thought back to the weekly concerts held there over the summer featuring local bands of various genres. I remembered the joy and sense of vitality of neighbors dancing, talking, laughing and enjoying life and music together. I wondered if that would happen this summer or if that, like so much else, would be different this year.

I rode past blocks of brownstone apartment buildings interspersed with graceful, yet solid, turn of the century homes along streets whose old trees which shade them were just beginning to return to life. Bright flowers dotted small front yards. Neighbors and friends greeted one another from a social distance, most wearing masks. Children played with siblings in the small yards, gleeful at the opportunity to be able to venture outdoors. I thought of how difficult it must be for them to understand this moment in history.

When a Chicago spring is kind it is special. A promise of what is to come as a reward after a long winter. It is a time of rebirth. Flowers peeking up from the ground, trees sprouting leaves of that special hue of green only seen at this time of year.

Our country, indeed the whole world, has had to reset. As when a computer updates it will take time before the download is complete. But, as with technological updates, I hope that what appears after our screens come back up and we are able to log in again will be better than what we had.

Coronavirus19 Diary - People People

From my kitchen window I can see the train I take to work. There have been times, during the last weeks, when I long to be back on it on my way to my job in the suburbs. I am socially oriented. I have a job that requires this trait. It is difficult for me to not be around others, at work, at the gym, at cultural venues and events. Trips to the grocery store somewhat refresh me allowing me to be, for a brief time, relieved of my isolation. Allow me to be with others.

That being said, being in the retail profession, I have rolled my eyes over the decades more times than I can count. However when people get on my nerves I can vent to a coworker. We roll our eyes in unison as we discuss the actions of rude, clueless or socially clumsy customers. There is a comfort in those moments we share.

I have a concern that these times may make people more dependent on social media. This isolation becoming a permanent fixture in the world. Perhaps the opposite will be true. Perhaps the physical distancing will remind people how interconnected healthy societies need to be.

I am more fortunate then some. I have another person, and a cat, to share with on a day to day basis. I feel for those that live alone. For those who like me crave human interaction. I know there are some that enjoy extended periods of solitude. I am not one of these. I look forward to returning to a world of people.